"Fun" Run?

Ladies and gentlemen, the latest trend is running. That’s right, running. Who decides these trends? The oldest running marathon thing I remember is the turkey trot around Thanksgiving in my elementary school years. Even then my friends and I didn’t actually run it. If you ever see me actually running then you need to call the police because something is wrong. I feel like half the fun of running is bragging to people that you’re running.

Let us discuss my favorite ridiculous trendy run, the color run. This type of 5K only has two rules per their website, TheColorRun.com. The first rule is to wear white at the starting line. Simple enough. The second and last rule is to cross the finish line “plastered in color.”  Okay, I get the concept; the tie dying of a shirt in public is pretty appealing. However, think about it logically. You’re running a 5K and you need your lungs to breathe so you don’t build up lactic acid in your muscles and whatever that episode the “The Magic School Bus” tried to teach me. Remember banging erasers as a kid? Remember all that chalk that flew around everywhere got in your eyes, nose, mouth, and even in your hair? Yeah that sucked, didn’t it? Well at the color run that’s what is being thrown around. I can’t think of anything that would make the super awesome activity of running even more fun than breathing in chalk dust. Clearly, I don’t share that opinion with anyone else because this 5K is incredibly popular.

These days there are few things more trendy than zombies. So why not combine people’s love for zombies with their love for running? I think this race sounds almost fun especially since one of the legitimate rules is “be prepared to get your groove on.” It would probably be more entertaining to watch than to actually run, but to each his own. According to RunForYourLives.com, you’ll be chased by zombies AND have to avoid obstacles: “Jump, slide, and climb your way through our blood pit, smokehouse, and maze (amongst others), all while zombies are hot on your tail.” Blood pit? Yeah that’s what I want to wade through… blood. If there wasn’t a blood pit and I actually had a desire to run I would totally run this race. At the end of the race there is a “safe zone” where zombies can’t get you and there’s an apocalypse party that sounds kind of cool.  The only thing I really don’t understand about this race is what happens if a zombie catches you? Do you turn into a zombie? Do you leave the race? Unfortunately, there wasn’t a phone number I could call. I think I’ll stay on the sidelines.

The Tough Mudder. If the devil was a race it would be Tough Mudder. You crawl through mud. Do I have to say more? I would like to know how much mud the runners ingest while running. Just thinking about running this race makes me want to vomit.

So basically, I can’t understand why running is popular in the first place, but I guess if you want to run you should make it interesting!