Over the weekend I was coerced into trying new things. In the year that I have lived in Florida I have not done anything adventurous or out of my comfort zone. I like to stay firmly where I know it is safe and I won’t die. This weekend I learned why.
My friends thought it would be fun to go paddle boarding. One friend owns a paddle board and lives off a calm canal so we all decided to go to her house. We decided to meet at her house at 11 so I had to get out of bed before 1 pm and that’s pretty adventurous for me right there. Since I drive a minivan I picked up two of the girls and we drove like 40 minutes to Ft Myers Beach. It wasn’t a particularly sunny day so I only put on one layer of sunscreen (the kind made for babies). Adventurous for my borderline-albino skin tone.
We got there and the ladies got on the paddle board and kayaks. I took pictures, laughed, and played with the dogs (within my nice, safe comfort zone). Then the sun came out and we had a few drinks, sat in the pool, and applied more sunscreen (three times).
After a few hours and a bright pink skin tone the ladies thought it would be a great idea for me to try paddle boarding. I have no balance so the ladies decided I should lie on the board and have someone else stand up and paddle for me. Okay, so I have a minor grasp of physics, but I’m pretty sure if the force pushing down is greater than the force pushing back up it will make for a very unhappy camper. Well I had just enough to drink where I was feeling adventurous… Mistake.
They pulled the board up to the edge of the doc and the sea wall. I got really nervous and tried to back out so the one girl stood on the board and showed me how I wouldn’t sink… then another girl decided to demonstrate that she wouldn’t fall even if there was a wave or something and kind of stomped on the back of the board. That poor girl flew into the air and fell into that canal. It was hilarious, but horrible at the same time. She lost her sunglasses in the murky salt water. It made me wonder how many pairs of sunglasses and other various items have been lost to similar incidents.
She crawled out and was fine. So I went to crawl onto the board with much hesitation. I do believe there were three girls yelling at me at once and all I could think of was what outfit I’d want to wear to my funeral and how I didn’t want paramedics to see that particular bathing suit. At the very moment I pictured hot paramedics trying to drag my lifeless body out of the canal I started to slip and completely ate it. I plunged into the dark water and prayed for my favorite cheapo sunglasses and my life. In that order.
By the grace of God I made it to the surface just fine. I floated there and counted limbs. I was alive. Then a moment of panic set in. Alligators. I rushed to the dock and realized they don’t have a ladder. Dear Lord save me. I clawed my way out of that water. Barnacles did the same to my legs and feet. After quite a bit of effort I was on land again. I did an inventory of fingers and toes and again praised Jesus for my safety. It was then I realized blood was gushing from my knees, shins, and feet. ..Awesome. At that point I tried to throw in the towel. Enough adventure for one day, but no. Those ladies made it their personal goal to get me on that board even if it meant loss of limb.
At this point I was still unaware of the intense crimson shade of my skin.
I screamed out to the two on kayaks and told them there was no way I was getting on that board, but I soon felt two strong arms pulling my waist towards the board. Those skinny chicks can really hold their own. So the next thing I knew I was back on that board- bloody knees and all. I moved very slowly and crawled to the front of the board. I was on the board and floating. Who knew paddle boards could hold this pleasantly-plump bod?
So I was on my stomach on this board and determined not to fall back into that possibly shark-invested water. Two chicks were talking behind me and insisting on having the one stand on the board and paddle for me. So I started thinking about it logically and realized my bodacious bod took up too much of the board for anyone’s legs to stand on the board with me. Upon this realization this chick stepped onto the board and toppled the two of us.
As I plummeted in the water for the second time, I started thinking about the blood pouring from my appendages and the tornado of sharks ready to hold me under, drown me, and devour my lifeless corpse. I barely made it to the surface when I started doing whatever the swimming version of sprinting is to the dock. Once again I clawed my way out of the water. However, this time my hand slipped and I felt the barnacles take a giant gash and huge chunk out of my thumb. I was done for- I knew it. That canal in Ft Myers was about to be my deathbed. I slipped twice. I cut my toes, fingers, elbows, and forearms. There was blood all over my limbs and chunks of me floating in the canal. There’s probably part of my left thumb in the Gulf of Mexico right now.
After I safely made it to shore and showed everyone that my thumb was practically hanging by a thread they finally agreed to let me raise the white flag so I could enjoy my remaining limbs. It was then I realized just how sunburned I was.
Three days later and I still can’t raise my arms over my head without screaming in pain from the burn on my shoulders and my face… oh my face. I have lost 50% use of my left thumb and 25% use of my right big toe. But I’m alive. “I’m not gonna say I survived. I say I thrived.”
In summation… I tried something and I lived! Maybe I don’t need to stay in the comfort zone forever? Maybe I’ll try something new more often? At least once I make a full recovery.
“Take chances. Make mistakes. Get messy!” (Just try not to get bloody.)
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